I’m going to switch this post up a bit. Instead of ranting on about the politics of today’s world, I think I’m going to write a little post about my life.
I recently just broke up with my boyfriend of a… wait for it….. whomping two whole months!! I know, I know. I live a dangerous dating life.
Nevertheless, I am sad that it has ended. I’ve like this guy for many many months now (more than I will admit to you folk), and when we finally started dating I was super-duper excited. And of course I thought it would last more than two months… It didn’t.
Plus, seeing as we are both Resident Advisers in the same residence hall, our little fling was a bit illegal. It was a closet, under the table, sort of relationship. Definitely not exactly what one might call “healthy.”
We bickered somewhat often. He never took me on a date. We could somewhat hold a conversation, but nothing too serious. We didn’t have the same outlooks on life. We didn’t share the same values. We didn’t care about the same politics (meaning, he didn’t care about politics at all). We didn’t have the same interests; he was a video game person… I couldn’t care less. He doesn’t know what he wants in his future. I know exactly (or so I think) what I want. He didn’t know what he wanted in the relationship. I knew I wanted more.
And at this point your asking… Lucy, what did you have in common? What attracted you to each other? NO IDEA.
Still, I am sitting here in my dorm room, quite sad. And I’m trying to figure out why.
What have I lost really? I’m still healthy. I still have God. I still have my family, my friends. My sanity.
Perhaps I’m sad for superficial reasons. Maybe I just liked the idea of having a boyfriend, even if he wasn’t exactly up to par. I could definitely fit in with my friends better, seeing as all of them except for 2 are dating someone.
Maybe I’m sad because I wasn’t the oddball out in our group and now I am again.
I know it’s not their fault, but sometimes my friends make me angry. When the group of us hang out, there’s always PDA, almost to the point where I either 1) tell them to knock it off because it’s disgusting or 2) just get up and leave because I can’t take it anymore.
I realize this could be me being too uptight or too selfish or too self-pitying, but sometimes I feel like my friends are just flaunting their relationships in front of me, almost like a “Hey. I’ve got someone. Where’s yours?” kinda thing. I know that sounds ridiculous… I know I know. And I hate that I’m even thinking it, but our dinner conversations consist of their boyfriends and girlfriends, of them holding hands with each other and kissing and, I don’t know, being flirty and all PDA-y. Of course, I’m fine with listening. I’m glad my friends are happy. Sometimes though, I don’t care. Can anyone empathize with me on this?
Even though I’m saying and thinking these things, I do know one thing: God has someone so special out there for me that I can’t even imagine him. I hate that I have to be so patient! I hate that I don’t know when I will meet him, or how I will meet him. I wish I could have him right now. God has different plans. I have a lot more growing up to do. I have many things to accomplish before I get to meet my special someone.
I complain a lot. I whine. I feel sorry for myself. I cry and scream and ask “Why me?” I pray to God for someone. But at the end of the day, even though I don’t want to admit it, I know that I have a fantastic life. And the only person I NEED in my life is God and my family. He will provide all the rest. It all comes down to PATIENCE. Ugh… that horrible word! It’s SO HARD!
I know that God will help me through anything. I know that God will give me exactly what I need, but not necessarily what I want. I know that it comes down to God. I can do nothing without God in my life.
My prayer for you and for me is this: That we may trust in God to help us get through the difficult things in life. That he grants us with the patience and understanding to realize that God does have a plan for our lives; we will find out sooner or later what it is. I pray that God helps us wait for the person we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives with. I pray that He helps that other person wait for us. We should make the most out of our lives and stop feeling sorry for ourselves. I pray that we do everything for the glory of God in the Highest. Amen.